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Wednesday, March 12, 2008

What the heck is that annoying sound?!!!

*GiGGLeS* It's that STUPID dumb test, in the post below! I have decided to keep it on for just a little longer, because some people are DETERMINED to get to the end of it! :-) I have actually updated it with a clue to every question if you want to give it one last shot! :-) But I will be removing it soon because the sound is driving me batty!

In the mean time, if the sound is annoying you too, just click on the title of this post to get away from it (if you haven't already!)

Now...

A fellow Blogger 'C:)' has requested that I do a post about an angel in my life for a change, because he was having nightmares from all my monsters! :-P *GiGGLeS*. I thought this was a brilliant idea actually! Because it is important to focus on the good things in your life rather than just the bad all the time! :-) So I got to thinking who that special angel in my life is, and besides Hubby who is my Prince Charming, it wasn't a hard at all! Oh and just so you know, I was planning on doing a post about this angel any way :-)! *Thanks C:)*

So allow me to introduce my angel to you...

MY ANGEL

MUUSSY!

My angel is my Mumma - 'Muussy' If you're a regular reader you'll know that I have a thing for nicknaming everyone, and Muussy is the nickname I have for my Mum. Don't ask why!!! When I was little I just started calling her 'Muussumanumanaties!!!' LOL I was a strange child, and still am today! Now it's just Muussy for short! :-)

I have always been very close to my Mum, and always will be. It is only in the last couple of years that I only really started to open up to her. It's not that I didn't feel I could tell her anything, I guess it's just because it was other adults in my life that I couldn't trust (Like M2 and that stupid teacher that refused to protect me from M3) that had me believing that no adult could protect me. Plus I was drilled with the constant threats that if I ever spoke up, I would be hurt even more. But I think a stronger reason was because I love her so much that I didn't want to hurt her with the pain I was going through.

But I realise today that keeping my mum in the dark was the worst thing I could do, because this probably hurt her even more! While I had a lot of pain bottled up from what I was experiencing, I took it all out on the people I love!

I would go into fits of rage some nights at home and put mum through a lot of stress. I was so hurt by the pain I was suffering with that when I was the slightest bit upset by something at home, all my anger would come pouring out! I would go absolutely psycho and take it all out on my mum, sometimes I even threatened to kill myself. There were many times that mum had to call to police and the ambulance because she was terrified of my behaviour! She had no idea what was going on with me, and that was my fault because I wouldn't tell her.

But even through all the horrific stress I put her through, she was always very supportive. Even though sometimes I would push her away, she would always stay by my side and help me through it.

She's a very selfless person my mum, always looking after other people before herself! She has a huge heart of gold and is much like me in the way of letting other people take advantage of us!

I admit that when I was younger I guess I did take advantage of her, and took her for granted in many ways. Not deliberately of course, I didn't really know much better at the time. Things like getting her to buy me the things that I wanted when she didn't have the money, making her agree to letting me do things she wasn't comfortable with, that sort of thing.

But as I got older I realised that I had done these things, basically I was taking advantage of a heart of gold, my own Mother! When I came to this realisation it really broke my heart! I feel like I owe her so much to make up for it, but even being the angel she is, she is always so forgiving. Sometimes I really feel like my Brothers are still like that to this day. I get really angry that they only really bother to seem to call her when they want something, it really upsets me.

She is always putting in the hard work to look after every body else even if she is sick and bed ridden! A lot of people around her have sat back and let her deal with things, without offering to give her a helping hand! (I'm guilty of this too.)

But she will always say that she doesn't mind, because that is the person that she is. An angel with a heart of gold who puts other people above herself. It's a beautiful thing, but it's not fair in my eyes. She has done more than a lifetime worth of good deeds in her life and she deserves to sit back and relax and be pampered and served like the angel that she is, for a change! It never ends for her though, and I wish that I could make it all stop.

Growing up, I always admired her! She had my brother 'D' at the age of 15 and she did a damn good job of being a single mother so young! When 'D' was about 2yrs old, she met my Dad, who also had a son 'P' (my other brother) who was the same age. 'D' is older than 'P' only by 2 days! They are practically twins!

Mum adopted 'P' as her own, and he started calling her Mum from the get go. And so he should, because since that moment, she has always been his Mother.

When Mum was about 21 she fell pregnant with me, that is when her and Dad got married. (I'm the purebred! *GiGGLeS* :-P) To be honest, this family have never looked at ourselves as 'step' or 'half' or what ever the heck you would call it. To us, we are all blood related, they are my brothers, I am their sister, we are the children of our Mum and Dad and that is that!

I get shitty when my friends try to say "Ohhhh so they are you're half brothers?" No they are not! They are my brothers! :-) or "Oh so 'P' isn't even really your Mums son?" Piss off! Of course he is! She raised him! She is his Mum, he is her son.

I have no idea how mum managed to raise 3 kids, work full time, do all the cooking and cleaning, and be an excellent Mother and Wife... but she did! She did it all... in fact she made it look so easy! I am now a housewife myself and let me tell you, I don't work, I don't have kids and I am a TERRIBLE housewife!!!

People keep asking me why it is so important to be a good housewife and the truth is... because I want to me just like my Mum! I adore her and admire her, she is a beautiful person that can accomplish anything and everything, and I want to be like that too.

I'm not saying that it's the perfect lifestyle because as I said, these things have been very tough on Mum! But it is important to me gain this lifestyle, because I have been looked after by her all my life, and now it is time that I start putting the hard work in too for a change!

My mum reads this blog and I know she will probably blush about this post :-). One thing I have really noticed with Mum is that it seems that she doesn't know quite how to take compliments. I don't mean that in a bad way at all, I mean it's because she is not use to them... and she is not use to them because she doesn't get any where damn near enough of them as she should!

She as done so many wonderful things for others in her life, but she is hardly ever shown appreciation for them. (again, I am guilty of this too.)

She had bent over backwards for us kids without a Thank you, she has dealt with the stresses of finances with out help or appreciation from my Dad (he is not a bad person, I adore him too, just so you know :-) but there has been so many things that she has done that even he has taken for granted, too.) Even a nice cooked meal and a clean house, I don't recall there ever being enough thank yous for that from any of us! We were all being selfish and worried about our own little lives, forgetting to realise that our lives would be a mess with out Mum's hard work and support!

Even the little things! So many times she would get her hair done, she would come home and feel pretty and really good about herself, but no one would seem to notice! And even if they did notice, nothing would ever be said to her. Breaks my heart really!

To be honest, even though I have suffered with a lot of pain from bad experiences in my life (which mum has too) I believe the only reason why I could ever get through any of it is because of her... my angel.

She's my best friend, and in all seriousness if it weren't for her, I would probably be dead today.

And I will say it now, and I will say it again every day for the rest of my life...

Muussy... from the bottom of my heart, I thank you and I will love you forever and always.

xx

15 GiGGLeS:

nitebyrd said...

That is the most beautiful, heartfelt tribute to your mother. She definitely sounds like an angel.

Vi's Biggest Fan!!! said...

Thank you Nyte... she sure is :-) xx

craig andrew said...

Well Done!! C:D I will sleep well with no nightmares tonight. C:)

Vi's Biggest Fan!!! said...

C:) - *GiGGLeS* I new you would! Now I gotta think of a new 'beer offer' for you! :-P xx

Fat Controller said...

I think it's really cool that your mum reads this! I can't imagine my múm reading my stuff!!

Vi's Biggest Fan!!! said...

Thinny - *GiGGLeS* Yeah, I've got nothing to hide from her! :-) Tho your Mumma would probably blush at your posts! :-) xx

Spiky Zora Jones said...

VBF...sweetie, I think this is your best...You really know how to pull my emotion strings. YOuwrite wonderfully...from your heart. That is something that can't be faked.
I think Your mother is wonderful. You are very lucky to have her. Hold her tight to you and kiss her and tell her you love her often...I miss my mother so very much. Several years she has been gone and I sometimes I cry, I miss her so much. She had a wondeful smile...she lit the place up.

ciao baby.

Vi's Biggest Fan!!! said...

Spiky - Thank you... I'm sorry you lost your mum :-( It's my biggest fear to lose mine! :-( xx

muussy said...

Wow!

From tears of despair to tears of joy within a few short hours.

Having just caught up with the last few days starting from M1, this has been a very emotional morning for me. I have long known about M1 & M2, and I know about the worst (unmentioned) monster of all. But, for some reason, the revealation of M3 has been the most heartbreaking for me. My minds eye is looking back over the years to my little girl, suffering such harrowing torment day after day. I knew that you hated going to school, but I could never have imagined that this was the reason.

I have always known that you have loved and appreciated me. As a mother I expect the tears, the fears, the anxiety and all the emotional turmoil that comes with the territory, but you my lovely doll, have always made me feel adored.

Thank you for the Angel blog...for turning my sad, angry tears into tears of gratitude and joy.

I am so proud of you Sweetie, this is a great outlet for you, and I know you will only get stronger for it.

Vi's Biggest Fan!!! said...

Muussy - :-) Thank you... I'm sorry that you had to read about the awful things that you were not aware of, but as you know it has been a good release for me.

I'm glad the angel post brought you tears of joy :-) I meant every word.

Means a lot to me that you feel like you have been adored by me, coz I truely do adore you :-).

Thanks for being proud of me... that means a lot too :-) xx

Lady in red said...

I am sat here withtears streaming down my face this is so touching

glad you two are finding the strength to grow through your blog

Vi said...

You two bitches, you've got me fucking sitting here crying my eyes out! I miss you both so much, and wish I could be in the same town again with my favourite sister and beautiful niece.

You are so right with every single word you said about Moses (my nickname for her!).

Fuck, I can't stop crying.

Vi's Biggest Fan!!! said...

Lady - Aww Thank you :-) Means a lot xx


Aunty Vi - LOL!!! Tears every where!!! :-) We miss you toooo xx

Misty Dawn said...

This is one of the greatest posts I have ever read! What a fantastic Mum you have - and what a fantastic daughter you are for giving her the recognition and 'thank you' she deserves! I was raised by my grandparents, and disowned my biological mother about 10 years ago (before you judge me, please understand that there are many reasons, and she was never ever a 'mother' to me... more like a 'monster' as you have written about). Anyway - I hold my grandmother (who is gone now) on that pedestal and owe my life to her.

Seriously, my friend - this is one of the best posts ever, in my opinion!

Vi's Biggest Fan!!! said...

Misty - WOW! Thank you :-) That's devastating about your birth Mother, I'm really sorry to hear that. And no, I wouldn't dare judge you over something like that, by the sounds of it I wouldn't blame you at all. I am fortunate to have a great Mother, it breaks my heart when I hear about people who could never feel close to their own, especially when they don't show you love and treat you badly.

You're Grandma sounds like an angel though *hugs* xx