Sunday, March 30, 2008

Just when I thought my house was gonna get cleaned...


Woooooooooo! Onya Keithy!!! Thanks mate! :-) *GiGGLeS* YAY!

Well HECK I sure have been having withdrawels from bloggles! AND I have sooooooo much to catch up on! You're not gonna believe this but I have been SO damn bored out of my brains without Keithy and Bloggles that I actually got off my arse and STARTED CLEANING MY HOUSE!!! :-O!!!

I was actually in a great mood today and was full of motivation to tackle the rest of the cleaning, but I thought I'd have a sneak peek at how Keithy was going and next thing I knew, I abanded the rest of the cleaning!! :-)

Keithy still isn't 100% but (after an hour of loading ffs) I managed to log on!!! It seems to take about an hour to bloody well turn him on (LOL that sounded a bit dirty!) But once he is up and running, besides his annoying moaning and groaning he seems to be doing ok! (LOL I sware I don't mean that in a dirty way ffs!) *Blushes* :-P

Mind you... I gotta say what really pissed me off... After waiting an hour to finally log on, I managed to check all my comments and I had just started to write this post when Tipsey (one of my cats) jumped onto the keyboard ffs!!! In the instant that she jumped up I thought to myself 'no, it's ok... even if she hits a key on the keyboard, there's no way that she can crash the computer!' Right? ... BLOODY WRONG!!!!

All she hit was one key... ONE KEY I TELL YOU! And then Keithy FREAKING turned himself off!!! I looked at the key that she hit and it was titled 'power'!!! I mean... I sware I have NEVER seen this key before... I didn't even know it was there??? Heck! I'm sure it's not suppose to be there? Does any one else even have it??!!

Seriously, have a look at the top right corner on your keyboard... do you see a key that says 'power'? Theres two other keys next to it, 'Sleep' and 'Wake up' like.... wtf??? I didn't know they were there!!! What the heck is the point? Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!! I'm sure Keithy is just playing silly buggers with me ffs! I don't bloody know, but trust Tipsey to freaking click it ffs!

I wouldn't have minded so much if it was just a case of turning it back on, but NO I had to wait an hour again just for everything to load ffs! Shoot Me

But anyway... I'm here now, and hopefully he'll improve over time!!! I still need to get Dad to come over and have a look - he's a bit of a computer whiz! But I'm not letting him come over until I've cleaned my house ffs! LOL I'm weird like that, I feel that if I let someone in my house when it is messy, I'll become comfortable with it and will NEVER clean my house for visitors ever again! That's kind of like my incentive at the moment... if I want Keithy fixed, I have to clean my house! Hey! It's working... slowly :-S.

So this is just a post to say HELLO Hello I'M BACK (I think)

Did you miss me??? Girl 5 *GiGGLeS* Are you all still my friends?

Or have you forgotten about me already? Crying 1

Since it's a bit late in the night and I'm bloody tired from having a horror movie marathon last night (me and hubby watched like 7 horror movies in a row!) I'm gonna spend all day mozzas catching up on everyones posts! Raise The Roof 2 So I look forward to that!!!

Oh Oh Oh!!!!! One thing I did see was that the lovely Daryl e awarded me with THIS!!!!


These were her words -
VBF new young wild and crazy Aussie gal whose love of animals and life shows in her amazing and nutzy writing.

Awww Thanks my lady... I've never been so proud to be a nutter! Face Plant

*GiGGLeS* xx

So I assume I am suppose to pass this award onto 10 other bloggers as she did... Heck! do I even have that many friends? :-P

ok so I'm gonna choose...

Aunty Vi - Cause she'll probably punch my head in if I don't pick her! :-P *GiGGLeS* Just kidding... because she's the BESTEST Blogger ever of course!!! xx

Spiky - Because she always has awesome stories to tell and she is unbelievably sweet and caring! xx

Peach - Because she is freaking hilarious!!! xx

Pixie - Also hilarious, but she also has some wonderful touching posts! xx

Lady - Because she is very inspirational and refreshing to read! xx

Misty - Well because she is my twin! And she has amazing honesty and a huge heart! xx

Jenn - Because she has a brilliant way with words! xx

C:) - Because he is just as mental as me, if not more :-P (It's a compliment Baldy!) :-) xx

Thinny - Coz his posts always make me GiGGLe!!! xx

and Mag - Coz he loves horror dammit! :-P xx


If I could I would give you all one, because if you weren't on my 'Brilliant Bloggles' list then you'd be rubbish to read! :-P *GiGGLeS*

Oh and Nitebyrd ... I really wanted to give you one but I see you already have one (of course you do!) Coz to be honest, besides Aunty Vi, you are by far my favourite blogger! :-)

So I made a little something, just for you...

*GiGGLeS* xx

Right! I shall read y'all sooooooon!!!


Friday, March 21, 2008

Keithy George is sick!!!

Keithy George is what I named my computer!

The poor darling!

If you're wondering why the heck I named him Keithy George, I should probably explain! *sigh* If you haven't seen the movie 'Chopper' then go and hire it out! It's one of the best movies ever!!!

Keithy George was one of Choppers cellmates who he did not get along with! There is a scene where Chopper stabs Keithy and then feels bad about it. While he is laying on the floor and pissing out blood, Chopper says "Aw Keithy, sorry mate, are you ok? Aw mate, sorry Keithy I didn't mean it, etc" Keithy replies with a 'fuck you!' and Chopper says "aw come on Keithy don't be like that mate, etc" Then Chopper gets worked up (over nothing) and starts going off his nut at Keithy "I'm not the idiot that's pissin out blood now am I!, etc."

It's BLOODY Hilarious!!

Anyways, this is the kind of relationship I have with my computer, I seem to think that if I praise him and speak nicely to him, he'll behave! But when he doesn't, I go off my nut and curse at him and threaton him, and then apologise hoping that he'll behave again! *GiGGLeS* I'm a nutter, yes! But I'm sure you can all relate to this in a way!

But Keithy is sick right now, and it's not his fault!!! It's EVIL porn's fault!

This is how Keithy got sick...

So I was getting my daily dose of porn.....

*GiGGLeS* Just kidding!

Actually I have been obsessed with competitons and stuff that I have been searching every where on the net for new things and signing up to every tom dick and harry just to try and win something!

That's Life and Take 5 just wont put out anymore ffs!!! Seriously, I am one of the luckiest people I know when it comes to winning stuff, so when I finally got the results back for competitions I entered in these magazines, I couldn't find my name ANY WHERE!

I read it over and over and over again and it was just no where to be seen!

But I ALWAYS WIN!!!!??


Anyway, me and Muussy reckon that my luck changed ever since I changed my last name when I got married! My maiden name was the name that won EVERYTHING! And since then I have won NOTHING on my married name! Even Muuss entered a few comps in my maiden name and won things!

So I'm gonna put it to the test and enter a few comps in my maiden name to see if it will make a difference! *GiGGLeS* I'm not asking too much am I? :-P

Anways, what was my point?

Oh yeah!! So I've been getting tonnes of emails from all these competition sites, and I was checking them out one by one yesterday, and one of them brought me to a FRIKKING PORN SITE!!!!

As soon as I saw it I thought 'OH HECK NO!' either it's spam, or it's some kind of competition involving sex! Win money for the best blow job maybe? ... I don't know, but I aint THAT desperate ffs!!!

So any way, the second I clicked out of it, it brings up this error message saying that it has been detected that Keithy has a virus!!! This meassage also has a link saying 'click here to repair it!' So when I click it, it brings me to a STUPID site of this 'virus checker'

(FFS I just crashed again!!) Good thing Bloggles 'autosaves!'

Anyways the site it brings me to is a 'virus checker' THAT COST'S 40 American dollars to download!!! I'm not stupid, I know it was this company that 'planted' this virus in the first place, just to try and make some money to get rid of it!


SO I ignored it at the time and closed down the pop up warning that popped up EVERY TEN MINUTES! But today, when I came back on, my search engine is gone, my website address engine is gone, and even my FAVOURITES DON'T WORK!!! Instead it is replaced with this STUPID error message to that STUPID 'virus checker' link!!!

The only way I was able to log onto Bloggles was because LUCKILY I saved this page to my desktop, and was able to load it from there! But besides that, I can't log on to anything else and the friggen thing kicks me off every 10mins and shuts Keithy down!

(I've crashed 4 times since starting this post!)


I don't suppose any one knows how I can fix this, without having to pay these mongrals to fix their OWN attack!!!?

Anyways, because of this I'm probably not gonna be on for a while *sniff sniff* But since it could be ages until I post again, I've decided to leave you with another Stupid Quiz! *GiGGLeS* I had so much fun watching y'all get so frustrated with the last one... that I couldn't help but post another one!!! Bwhahahahaha >:-)

This one is EVEN LONGER! So it shall keep you entertained while I'm gone! :-P

Some people had problems with the last one, so if this one wont work either, DON'T BLAME ME! :-S I can't reload it again because Keithy is too sick! :-( But I do hope to heck it works for you!

Actually... what I might do, is post it in it's own post below, so that it has less of a chance of getting an error on it (from all the text!)

It may take a while to load, because it's VERY LONG!!!

Otherwise... do a search for 'the impossible quiz' Sorry, I can't link anything coz the pc is stuffed!

Have fun :-) and make sure you miss me! :-D *GiGGLeS*



See above post!!!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

I'll start Mozzas!

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

For all those who don't understand my gibberish yet, 'mozzas' is my slang for 'tomorrow'! *GiGGLeS*

I think it's an aussie thing, we seem to shorten words and change letters! If it has a 'rr' in it, we replace it with a 'zz' and 'en' becomes an 'a'!

Eg. Darren = Dazza!

We're a bunch of nut jobs I tell you!

Anyways, what will I start Mozzas? My diet, that's what!... (yeh right!)


Since getting married I put on like 12 Kg! Husbands are soooo fattening ffs! So I started this weight loss group with my friends and family and I managed to lose 7kg! But then I broke my diet for one night and haven't been able to get back on track since ffs! So I've still got a few more Kg to lose!

I tell you, when I diet, it has to be soooo strict! It' s much like my obsessive ways with cleaning! If I can't make the whole house spotless I wont touch it at all! So with dieting, I wont allow myself to eat any junk what so ever! But the second I do, it's all over rover, and I tell myself, "eh! I'll start mozzas!"

But since I am starting mozzas, I'll pig out on all the junk that i love and that I wont be allowed to have on my diet the day before! Ugh yeah... that's what happens every frikking day! I fail to start mozzas and I pig out again to start the next day! phhhhh!!! It never happens!

I LOVE MY FOOOOOD!!! I just love to cuddle up with hubby on the couch and watch movies and pig out on junk food! Chocolate is my boyfriend!

I'm a real comfort eater too though! I think a lot of it has to do with my 'Monster 3' story! I was thinking about it the other day, when I was going through all that crap and my friends left me, all I had was my food! I would sit by myself at lunch time and all I had to keep me company was my food! I'd use my lunch as a way to numb the painful thoughts that were going through my mind at the time! So I think that has a lot to do with it too. Even today when i get upset, I just want to sit in a quiet corner and EAT!

But ffs! I need to get my arse into gear! I use to be very active and exercise everyday, but these days I'm hardly active at all!

Seriously the only exercise I've had in the last few months was a few days ago. A little boy came to my door and told me that our dogs had escaped!!! So I went running down the street like a maniac IN MY TOWEL to catch the bastards! ONLY TO FIND OUT that they weren't even my dogs ffs! My dogs were home the whole time!!! Stupid brain farts!

But I tell you what! I felt like I was gonna die when I came home, I was huffin and puffin like I'd just run a marathon!!! I need to quit smoking too I think!

Yeh Yeh.... I'll start mozzas! Rolling Eyes



What does RSPCA Stand for?

I'll tell you what it stands for!!!

Ridiculously Stupid, Pathetic Care for Animals!

Grrr They are RUBBISH!

I am a huuuuuuge animal lover and do not tolerate animal cruelty! I support all organisations that protect and rescue animals, so you would think that I would support RSPCA right?..... WRONG!!!

I had been planning ages ago to do a fund raiser for these guys because they are the only really big animal supporting organisation that I know of!

But they have done nothing but prove themselves to be arseholes in my eyes, and I don't want to support organisations like that!

The first real experience I had with them was when we found our pregnant cat 'Marbles' who was about to pop when we got her! I actually rang the RSPCA and THEY told me to bring her in and they would birth the kittens and give them up for adoption! But when we handed her over it was a different story! She told me that if the rightful owner didn't come for her in 3 days they would put her down! And since I had already signed the papers I wasn't allowed to take her back!

So they LIED to me and then were pricks about it!

If you're a regular reader you'll know that I went under cover and pretended to BE the rightful owner to get her back, but before I decided to do this I tried everything else.

I pleaded with them and begged that if the rightful owner didn't come forward and they had to put her down, would be alright that they call me I come and save her. But NO! They wouldn't let me! They are suppose to be protecting animals ffs, I can not understand why they would prefer to put down an animal when there were other people happy to take it off their hands and give it a good home! It just doesn't make sence to me!

Not to mention that shit that happened with our dogs, and they were well aware that this woman down the street was stealing them, but still didn't warn us and charged us thousands of dollars!

Then after the kittens were born, and with me now being the 'rightful owner' I rang them again and told them my situation of having too many cats for us to care for. The lady I spoke to was really sweet and told me that if I bring them in (for free), they would desex them and put them up for adoption. I was a little sceptical since they fooled me before so I actually made this girl promise me on the phone that they would never put them down. She assured me that would not happen because they can't afford to put them down after they have desexed them!

So Hubby took them in, and what do ya know! Different fucking story again!!! They wouldn't take them because suddenly they didn't have enough room (I can understand that) but they were more than happy to just put them all down with out any other helpful suggestions!

You hear of all these stories on the news about them being these 'BIG HEROS' for discovering animal cruelty at someones home. They sweep in and rescue these poorly treated pets that are near death and they bend over backwards to save them! Don't get me wrong... that's AWESOME! But when it comes to finding new homes for preloved animals they simply don't give a shit! I mean is that what it takes to get them saved? Should I neglect my cats until they have maggots coming out of their arse and are infested with diseases for them to come and rescue them to good health and THEN adopt them out?????

Makes me so angry!

Any way... I figured that the last rejection was because they were too full, so I rang them again TODAY to try again! First of all I asked them if they had room to adopt 2 kittens! Marbles is gone, and now we have 5 cats, we decided it would be much easier to keep the 3 cats that are desexed and give the 2 kittens up for adoption. The lady said that they do have the room, so the room was NOT a problem!

But she was sooo fucking rude to me! She basically treated me like I was a bitch for wanting to give them away! I had to explain to her why it was so hard for us to care for all of these cats and how we simply can not afford it. But in my opinion it was none of her fucking business! I wouldn't have minded if she was the slightest bit sympathetic, but she wasn't at all!

Then she asked me what they looked like! After I had explained what they had looked like she told me that they don't sound 'pretty' enough to be wanted! So now they are judging pets by their looks???? They wont take ugly looking animals? (Which they are not!) I got so insulted by this and went off my nut, which finally made her agree to taking them!

But what she told me was nothing like what I had heard before! She told me that I could bring them in but I would have to pay $30 per cat for them to adopt out! I thought, ok suddenly I have to PAY to have them adopted, but fair enough, I'd pay it for them to go to a good home!

But when I asked her what the costs were for, she said that it was for incase they decided that they want to put them down!!!!

FOR FUCK SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So much for a good fucking home! I will never trust them with my animals EVER!!!

SO now I'm just going to try and advertise myself! It's not gonna be easy and it will take flipping ages for them to get a new home (if any!)

But you would honestly think that the RSPCA would be more helpful and caring!



Monday, March 17, 2008

Another Meme!!!

Thanks Daz for my second Meme! These couldn't have come at a better time actually because I have been lost on what the heck to post about! :-)


1) I missed out on an opportunity to win a BMW Z3 because some bitch stole my winning bottle cap!

It was a prize on a drink, I couldn't believe that I had won, so I took it to the shop assistant who I had bought it off and asked her if it was right! She said that the comp had ended and it wasn't valid any more so she took it off me to throw it away, and wouldn't give it back. But the slag was full of shit and stole it for herself! Dumb I know... that was back in my 'push over' days! Steamed

2) I drew this when I was 14 and came first in a fine arts competition for my age group, and I also won the 'Champion' Title for all ages!

Yes that drawing is of the boy band 'Hanson' who I was ridiculously obsessed with back in my teen years! Cover Up

3) Hanson wrote to me!!!

I sent that same drawing to Hanson themselves and they were kind enough to write back to me! It was a cool personally signed Hanson postcard which had a HAND WRITTEN thank you message for the drawing I sent them! I almost fainted when I saw it! Brows

4) I smacked Chris Isaac in the head with a rubber ball!

*GiGGLeS* He performed on stage at a public park in my hometown, I was there with my best mate 'Red' and her Mum (who loves him.) I think I was like 12 or younger at the time, me and Red had no interest in this guy as we didn't even know who the heck he was, so we went off and did kids stuff. I had a rubber ball that I was bouncing on and off the stage, (ages away from the band) but I had bounced it too hard and it flew over and smacked chris right in the head while he was singing! LOL!!!!!!!
I still search for it on you tube to this day!ROTFL

5) I sleep walk!

I often get up while I'm asleep and play out my dreams. The funniest so far was when I was dreaming about being a detective on the search for some 'killer bubblegum!!!' I Dunno Hubby came out to find me creeping around in the lounge room searching everywhere. He asked me what I was doing, apparently I said "Shh!!! The bubble gum will get you, I have to stop it before it's too late!" Then I picked up the remote control and started tackling it like I was Steve Irwan with a crocodile ffs!!!

6) I went Swimming with dolphins!

Yes, that is me in the pic goofing off in a flattering snorkel and wet suit! For my 20th birthday Mum took me to go swimming with the gorgeous wild hector dolphins, in Akoroa in NZ! It was unforgettable, but flippin FREEZING!!! Frozen

7) (Aunty Vi made me do this one...) When I was a little girl I use to dance around and sing "Ta ta ta ta ta ta touch me... I wanna feel dir ir ir irty!"

Yes I was a big fan of 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show'! I was too young to understand what the heck I was singing ffs! Whats worse is that I made my dads mate (who was living with us at the time) to be my 'Brad' while I was his 'Janet'! Same with the musical 'Grease' - he was my 'Danny' and I was his 'Sandy' and I'd make him sing the duets with me! ....
soooo embarrassing! This is why I can't stand musicals any more! Nervous

Hmmm now who to tag? I don't know who has already done it but I'll pick 3 people and if you have already, don't worry about it! :-)

Have fun! :-)


Sunday, March 16, 2008

My First MEME!!!


Thank you Thinny (Fat Controller) who gave me my first ever Meme!

Inexplicable Crush Meme!!!

Not exactly what I had in mind but heck! I'll take anything! :-)

First of all I have to frikking look up 'inexplicable' in the dictionary!

inexplicable [iniksplikbl] adjective
impossible to explain or understand

Ahhhhh... I think I get it now! *GiGGLeS*

Ok here goes...

Well besides gay guys.... who I'm ALWAYS getting crushes on! Dunno why, I guess I'm just attracted to what I can't have! And besides that they are just sooooooo cute! Yeh Yeh I know... they are gay... but ya can't help who ya fall for! :-P

Actually come to think of it... I have always been attracted to guys that show no interest in me... Ex and Hubby were the only guys that appeared to have no interest in me, both being in a room of swarming guys when I met both of them! And both made no attempt to approach me, while every other guy did! I had to go to them! Maybe that's why I get crushes on Gays? Eh! Who knows...

Anyway, on with the meme...

My latest 'Inexplicable crush' is this guy.......

Well being inexplicable I guess that means there's no point trying to explain... but I just have a 'thing' for children show hosts! :-)


Mind you... as I was searching for this pic I came across one of him on the piss with a fag hanging out of his mouth! Turned me right of the off the bastard!!!

So it's on the search for a new crush I think! :-P


OH... I think I'm suppose to tag 3 other bloggers with it...

Ok ummm.... I choose...

C:) because he always suprises me.. he's gotta have something good!

Spiky because I love her to death, and I love all of her posts!

and Misty because we are so alike, and I am curious to see what she will come up with!


Saturday, March 15, 2008

My Famous Friends!!!!

I just HAD to do a post on these guys because they are doing so well! And they've just realeased a new clip which I think is AWESOME!!! I am just so very proud of them!

Most of you probably haven't heard of them yet, coz they are only really big in New Zealand! But at the rate they are going it wont take them long to be known world wide! :-)

The fellow on the far right is one of Hubbys best mates, they were house mates for years! He is an awesome guy and his wife (who I did my foundations course with for church) is also very lovely too! They are also expecting a baby very soon too which is very exciting!

The guy on the second left is the brother of one of my best mates, and the girl in the middle I know pretty well too. The other two I don't know quite as well, but I do know them from church (we all went to church together in NZ.)

They even performed for my baptism which was really exciting! They are an awesome christian band 'rap' group, and in the last year they have been extremely successful!

Their last single made it into the top 40 in NZ radio, so they were pretty stoked about that! These guys are very humble about the whole thing, all this fame couldn't change them in the slightest!

If you want to learn more about them you can check them out HERE.

But please do check out this lastest clip of theirs... it is so cool! :-)

If it's tooo out of time you can just click on it and it can take you to youtube.
Thumbs Up

Friday, March 14, 2008

Right! No more tears... It's PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!!


I could never get sick of it! :-D


But if you want to check it out you can find it HERE!



Wednesday, March 12, 2008

What the heck is that annoying sound?!!!

*GiGGLeS* It's that STUPID dumb test, in the post below! I have decided to keep it on for just a little longer, because some people are DETERMINED to get to the end of it! :-) I have actually updated it with a clue to every question if you want to give it one last shot! :-) But I will be removing it soon because the sound is driving me batty!

In the mean time, if the sound is annoying you too, just click on the title of this post to get away from it (if you haven't already!)


A fellow Blogger 'C:)' has requested that I do a post about an angel in my life for a change, because he was having nightmares from all my monsters! :-P *GiGGLeS*. I thought this was a brilliant idea actually! Because it is important to focus on the good things in your life rather than just the bad all the time! :-) So I got to thinking who that special angel in my life is, and besides Hubby who is my Prince Charming, it wasn't a hard at all! Oh and just so you know, I was planning on doing a post about this angel any way :-)! *Thanks C:)*

So allow me to introduce my angel to you...



My angel is my Mumma - 'Muussy' If you're a regular reader you'll know that I have a thing for nicknaming everyone, and Muussy is the nickname I have for my Mum. Don't ask why!!! When I was little I just started calling her 'Muussumanumanaties!!!' LOL I was a strange child, and still am today! Now it's just Muussy for short! :-)

I have always been very close to my Mum, and always will be. It is only in the last couple of years that I only really started to open up to her. It's not that I didn't feel I could tell her anything, I guess it's just because it was other adults in my life that I couldn't trust (Like M2 and that stupid teacher that refused to protect me from M3) that had me believing that no adult could protect me. Plus I was drilled with the constant threats that if I ever spoke up, I would be hurt even more. But I think a stronger reason was because I love her so much that I didn't want to hurt her with the pain I was going through.

But I realise today that keeping my mum in the dark was the worst thing I could do, because this probably hurt her even more! While I had a lot of pain bottled up from what I was experiencing, I took it all out on the people I love!

I would go into fits of rage some nights at home and put mum through a lot of stress. I was so hurt by the pain I was suffering with that when I was the slightest bit upset by something at home, all my anger would come pouring out! I would go absolutely psycho and take it all out on my mum, sometimes I even threatened to kill myself. There were many times that mum had to call to police and the ambulance because she was terrified of my behaviour! She had no idea what was going on with me, and that was my fault because I wouldn't tell her.

But even through all the horrific stress I put her through, she was always very supportive. Even though sometimes I would push her away, she would always stay by my side and help me through it.

She's a very selfless person my mum, always looking after other people before herself! She has a huge heart of gold and is much like me in the way of letting other people take advantage of us!

I admit that when I was younger I guess I did take advantage of her, and took her for granted in many ways. Not deliberately of course, I didn't really know much better at the time. Things like getting her to buy me the things that I wanted when she didn't have the money, making her agree to letting me do things she wasn't comfortable with, that sort of thing.

But as I got older I realised that I had done these things, basically I was taking advantage of a heart of gold, my own Mother! When I came to this realisation it really broke my heart! I feel like I owe her so much to make up for it, but even being the angel she is, she is always so forgiving. Sometimes I really feel like my Brothers are still like that to this day. I get really angry that they only really bother to seem to call her when they want something, it really upsets me.

She is always putting in the hard work to look after every body else even if she is sick and bed ridden! A lot of people around her have sat back and let her deal with things, without offering to give her a helping hand! (I'm guilty of this too.)

But she will always say that she doesn't mind, because that is the person that she is. An angel with a heart of gold who puts other people above herself. It's a beautiful thing, but it's not fair in my eyes. She has done more than a lifetime worth of good deeds in her life and she deserves to sit back and relax and be pampered and served like the angel that she is, for a change! It never ends for her though, and I wish that I could make it all stop.

Growing up, I always admired her! She had my brother 'D' at the age of 15 and she did a damn good job of being a single mother so young! When 'D' was about 2yrs old, she met my Dad, who also had a son 'P' (my other brother) who was the same age. 'D' is older than 'P' only by 2 days! They are practically twins!

Mum adopted 'P' as her own, and he started calling her Mum from the get go. And so he should, because since that moment, she has always been his Mother.

When Mum was about 21 she fell pregnant with me, that is when her and Dad got married. (I'm the purebred! *GiGGLeS* :-P) To be honest, this family have never looked at ourselves as 'step' or 'half' or what ever the heck you would call it. To us, we are all blood related, they are my brothers, I am their sister, we are the children of our Mum and Dad and that is that!

I get shitty when my friends try to say "Ohhhh so they are you're half brothers?" No they are not! They are my brothers! :-) or "Oh so 'P' isn't even really your Mums son?" Piss off! Of course he is! She raised him! She is his Mum, he is her son.

I have no idea how mum managed to raise 3 kids, work full time, do all the cooking and cleaning, and be an excellent Mother and Wife... but she did! She did it all... in fact she made it look so easy! I am now a housewife myself and let me tell you, I don't work, I don't have kids and I am a TERRIBLE housewife!!!

People keep asking me why it is so important to be a good housewife and the truth is... because I want to me just like my Mum! I adore her and admire her, she is a beautiful person that can accomplish anything and everything, and I want to be like that too.

I'm not saying that it's the perfect lifestyle because as I said, these things have been very tough on Mum! But it is important to me gain this lifestyle, because I have been looked after by her all my life, and now it is time that I start putting the hard work in too for a change!

My mum reads this blog and I know she will probably blush about this post :-). One thing I have really noticed with Mum is that it seems that she doesn't know quite how to take compliments. I don't mean that in a bad way at all, I mean it's because she is not use to them... and she is not use to them because she doesn't get any where damn near enough of them as she should!

She as done so many wonderful things for others in her life, but she is hardly ever shown appreciation for them. (again, I am guilty of this too.)

She had bent over backwards for us kids without a Thank you, she has dealt with the stresses of finances with out help or appreciation from my Dad (he is not a bad person, I adore him too, just so you know :-) but there has been so many things that she has done that even he has taken for granted, too.) Even a nice cooked meal and a clean house, I don't recall there ever being enough thank yous for that from any of us! We were all being selfish and worried about our own little lives, forgetting to realise that our lives would be a mess with out Mum's hard work and support!

Even the little things! So many times she would get her hair done, she would come home and feel pretty and really good about herself, but no one would seem to notice! And even if they did notice, nothing would ever be said to her. Breaks my heart really!

To be honest, even though I have suffered with a lot of pain from bad experiences in my life (which mum has too) I believe the only reason why I could ever get through any of it is because of her... my angel.

She's my best friend, and in all seriousness if it weren't for her, I would probably be dead today.

And I will say it now, and I will say it again every day for the rest of my life...

Muussy... from the bottom of my heart, I thank you and I will love you forever and always.


Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Too much seriousness and not enough fun!!!

Blergh! I've had enough of the sad posts for now! It's time to get stupid again!:-)

I've been requested to write a post about an angel for a change which I shall get around to in the next couple of days, but for now... it's time for a bit of fun!!!



Clues to each question!
1. Come on, this question is simple! No clue is needed! :-P
2. The answer to this is 'celery' if this does not work for you, than unfortunately it is not compatible with your computer (this seems to be the problem.) But you can however try and play it here!
3. Clue: They come in a can.
4. Mare,
(next word is changed with the letter 'o',)
(next again is changed with the letter 'c')
(next again is changed with the leter 'd')
(next again is changed with the letter 'l')
5. Too easy! :-)
6. Don't let the 'fast' fool you!
7. Answer is 5!
8. Easy enough!
9. You spread it on bread!
10. You can guess this one (and you don't have to be quick!)
11. And this one!
12. And this one!
13. And this one!
14. Moses?
15. Guess!
16. Think of a cow!
17. This one as an extra 'R' that is not used, it begins with 'M' and you will find this word in the 1st question!
18. The answer is '4'!
19. Calf,
(next word is changes by the letter 'l')
(next again is changed with the letter 'b')
20. Remember carefully! The 3rd yellow button IS there, it is just very tiny!
21. This word was used in the quiz as a question! You may have to go back to search for it!
YAY and you're done! :-)
Answer as many questions as you can, if you are incorrect you will go back to the start! Let me know what question you can get up to! :-)

Have fun! :-P


Monday, March 10, 2008

There is light at the end of the tunnel...

Lady in Red was kind enough to share some rough experiences with me that she herself had been suffering with in her life. (Thank you my lady xx)

It isn't nice to read or hear about anything that horrible, but it is a fact of life that many women (even men and children) go through pain and suffering from people who have done us wrong.

As sad as it is to hear, it was actually very inspirational and comforting to know that I am not alone with burdens like these, and Lady proved to me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I do hope that in some way that my post's may even help someone else too.

It's amazing! I've gone from completely crippled with no hope, to wanting to face my fears and demanding justice from everyone that has hurt me in just a couple of days! And it's all thanks to Bloggles and other bloggers who have really given me the strength and inspiration to put an end to this pain! *Hugs computer*

Continuing from my last couple of posts 'Monster 1' and 'Monster 2' I will now post about the last (but not least) Monster on my list!

Of course as I said in my last post, these aren't all of the Monsters on my list, these are the only three that I am comfortable with (at this stage) talking about. Then of course there are the smaller things that people have done to me which have also affected my life in a negative way, but they are really not worth posting about.

Before I go on, I just want to apologise that these posts are ridiculously long! I've try to cut a long story short, but every detail is quite crucial to get the gist of exactly what I was experiencing. So please forgive the long rambles!


Going back a long long time ago when I was about 8 or 9 years old, I had just started 4th grade in primary school. Every year was always dreaded for us as kids because it was time for a new class room, new teacher and new class mates. It's daunting being so young and getting comfortable with all your classmates and then having to leave your friends to do it all over again!

Kids can be so cruel, and would abandon you as a friend if you weren't in their class anymore. I always seemed to get in these situations where all my friends got to stay together and I was the one that would be put in a different class of new faces that I had never seen before. I didn't know anybody.

But in this particular class there was a boy (Monster 3) who took a big liking to me from the get go. I wasn't use to having boy friends, only girl friends, so I took no interest in his suggestions to come and have 'lunch' with him and his buddies.

So I would go on the search for my friends from the year before at lunch time who I would find already sitting together laughing and eating like the group was complete. I would go and sit down with them and pull out my lunch and try to join in the conversation, but having them already started one I would have no idea what they were talking about, so most of the time I was left silent and ignored.

Being alone in class having none of my friends to sit and giggle with (like we use to do) while the teacher was talking, I felt extremely lonely very quickly. I wasn't taken to at all with any of the other girls in this class, because they too were with their friends from the year before. The only attention I got was from Monster 3 who would always try to sit next to me and just stare at me most of the time. I would notice him whisper to his buddies and they would giggle to each other just like I use to do with my friends. But something told me that what these boys were whispering about was not something that I would be comfortable with.

"My friends reckon you should come sit with us at lunch" he would say to me. Me being shy, I would quickly put my head down and pretend to scribble on my school book, hoping that he would believe I didn't hear him or something. He always seemed to chuckle at this.

One day, as usual I would go to join my friends for lunch in our usual sitting spot, but to my surprise, they were nowhere to be seen. I searched every where for them, I spent the whole lunch break trying to find them and when the bell went there was still no sign of them. I never got the chance to eat that day.

"Why weren't you sitting with your friends today?" M3 had asked me, when we were back in class. I ignored him because I was extremely shy, I had never really spoken to a boy before other than my brothers.
He went on to say "I saw you looking for them, they were sitting under a tree behind the games area." I was embarrassed. "Yeah... I know" I said, "I was...looking for someone else" I was embarrassed that he had seen me walking around stressed out, so I pretended it wasn't like that, to try and come across 'cool' or something. 'They must have forgotten to tell me that we've moved sitting place' I thought to myself, 'no, actually, they would have come looking for me to tell me but they couldn't find me coz I was off looking for them.' I convinced myself.

So the next day it was time for lunch again and I knew exactly where to find them. Excited that I was able to find them before they found me, I headed towards them with a big smile on my face. But that smile was quick to fade when I realised that the looks they were giving me, when they spotted me in the distance, were not welcoming looks at all.

I felt confused but I slowly continued to approach them. "Whats wrong?" I asked worried. The girls turned and looked at who was suppose to be my best friend at the time, who now had her head down looking at the ground. (I'll call her Olive because she has very olive skin.) "Olive?" I asked, "are you ok?" She looked upset so I kneel down to sit with her. "No don't sit down!" said Poppy (who I'll call, because she was the most popular girl and school and bossed everyone around.) I looked at her confused "Can you not take a hint? You are not our friend any more!" She snapped at me. Feeling like my heart was ripped out of my chest, I stood up and walked away before they could see my tears.

I went into the girls toilet to cry, and it was there where I stayed until the lunch break was over. Just before the bell rang, Olive came in to use the toilet. At first I thought she had come in to comfort me, but I soon realised that she had no idea that I would be in there. She avoided eye contact as she rushed into the toilet. "Olive?" I cried "Why do they hate me?" She was silent until she came out to wash her hands. "I can't talk to you anymore VBF, you're just not one of us now, because you're not in the same class as us." She said as she walked out.

I was heart broken, I wanted to break down and sob but the bell had gone, so I walked back to class completely numb. It didn't bother me so much that the other girls didn't like me, because I didn't particularly like them either. They were mean witches and would pick on other kids, but it was Olive choosing them over me which really hurt the most.

Poppy in particular I always struggled to get along with, she would always tell me that they didn't have room for another 'pretty' girl in the group. One day we were on a school camp and she went into a screaming rage about a nice top I was wearing. "It's just not fair! Tell VBF that she is not allowed to wear that top! She is not allowed to look prettier than me!" She screamed to the rest of the girls. By the way she was acting it was like someone had just been murdered. Sure enough, she got her own way and the girls forced it off of me, Poppy then made me cut it up as a sacrifice I had to make, if I wanted to be part of the group. 'Being pretty sux!' I would think to myself.

Anyway, back to the story...

So for the next couple of days, I was too embarrassed to be seen sitting alone, so I would spend my lunch breaks in the school toilets to eat my lunch. This became my 'crying place.'

But eventually back in class, M3 would say again, "You should sit with us for lunch, we're going to play some hand ball today." For the first time I had actually found his continuous offer appealing! I thought, it would be nice to eat somewhere other than the toilets for a change, and I was no longer worried about being teased from the girls for hanging around the boys because they already hated me."Ok" I said to M3. His eyes lit up, then he immediately whispered to his buddy, who then started giggling like mad.

So when it was time for lunch I was extremely nervous. I thought about changing my mind and heading to my 'crying place' to eat, but then I thought that they would probably tease me for chickening out. So I headed over to the games area to where they would always sit. M3 was already in a game of hand ball with Scar (who I'll call because he has a massive scar above his eye.) "hey look M3, your GIRLFRIEND has decided to join us" Scar joked, "Shut up!" M3 snapped at him.

By now I had massive butterflies in my stomach as I sat down on the bench near them. "Do you want to play?" M3 asked as I pulled out my lunch. "Oh... no thank you, I'd rather just watch for now." I said as I nervously took a bite. So even though the whole break was spent with me just sitting there eating my lunch while watching the boys play handball, I actually quite preferred it than eating in my 'crying place'

The next day for the first time in a while, I actually looked forward to lunch time. In a way I felt kind of 'cool' being part of the 'cool boys' group now! 'I wonder what the boys will play today' I thought to myself.

"You having lunch with us today?" M3 asked. I felt excited for a change, I couldn't wait to have lunch with my new friends "Yep!" I smiled "What game will you be playing today?" I asked. "Oh something that you can play too" he laughed. I was always too shy to get involved with games with other kids, I would always be the one to sit back in the background and watch. But I thought that now would be a good time to impress my new friends by taking part in a game with them. "Cool!" I cheered!

So lunch came around and we all sat together to eat our food. When we'd finished eating it was time to play a game. "Ready to play?" M3 asked me. "Um... ok what are we playing?" I said nervously. "How about a game of hide and seek." he said "You cover your eyes and count to a hundred." 'Oh I love this game' I thought! "Ok" I said as I excitedly covered my eyes and started counting.

While I was counting I could hear them giggling around me, 'Good!' I thought, 'they aren't that far away which will be easier for me to find them.' But when i opened my eyes I discovered to my horror that all the boys were laying under the bench looking up my skirt! (The bench was made of wire and it was very much see through.) "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I yelled at them as I shot up and covered myself. "Nice Knickers!" said scar! as I ran back to my 'crying place'

I was so embarrassed and humiliated, I just couldn't believe they could be so cruel! From that moment on I had decided to no longer sit with them, but instead of going to my 'crying place' I found a private spot behind the tuck shop where I would sit quietly by myself and eat my lunch slowly until the bell would ring.

Days went on and I had become comfortable with my loneliness. But not so long after this M3 came and found me. "Why aren't you sitting with us?" he asked. I looked down and ignored him. "You're not still upset about that game are you? We were only playing." He said. I couldn't trust him, so I told him to leave me alone.

The next day while eating in that same place, M3 popped his head around the corner. "Hello!" he grinned. I dropped my food from the fright. The others were behind him. "We thought we'd come sit with you, since you wont sit with us." he said as they all got comfortable around me.

I had so many thoughts running through my head, I didn't know whether they had felt bad and were trying to make it up to me or if they were planning something else nasty. I sat there confused.

"Wanna play another game?" M3 said. 'Uh oh, he said game!' I thought 'this can not be good.' "No thank you" I said as I started to rush away. But as I stood up M3 tried to rip my skirt off. "LEAVE ME ALONE" I screamed as I tried to escape. Luckily he wasn't able to get the zipper undone and I managed to escape. I could hear them laughing as I ran away.

So from that day on it was back to my 'crying place' to eat my lunch... except now it had become my 'safe place.' M3 and the boys would wait outside for me to come out, so I was late back to class every day to be sure that they were gone before I could come out.

But it didn't take long before my 'safe place' was no longer safe. When there was no one around M3 would run in and try to drag me out. He would drag me out kicking and screaming and stick his hand up my skirt and down my top. When I would beat him off me, it was Scar that would hold me down, while M3 would pull my knickers down and look at my rude bits.

In class he would sit at the desk opposite me, and when no one was looking, he would shove a ruler up my skirt between my legs from under the table. He would torment me and whisper to me that he couldn't wait till lunch time.

At lunch time, there were teachers that would walk around the oval and school playground to keep an eye on the kids. I decided to walk with them and stay by their side through the whole lunch period for protection, since my 'safe place' was no longer safe. M3 and the boys would watch me like a hawk for every opportunity they could get me alone.

One teacher actually got very annoyed with me and asked me to stop following her around. I begged to stay with her and she finally asked me why. While growing up I had learnt from my brothers that 'dobbers wear Nappy's' If I ever dobbed my brothers in to Mum and Dad they would tease me to tears about it. I knew M3 would do much worse if I was to dob him in, so I avoided it for as long as I could. But when this teacher had asked me why it was so important for me to be by her side, I decided that I had to speak up.

"Those boys over there are trying to rip off my clothes." I cried "who? These boys?" she asked as she headed towards them. "Yes" I cringed as I followed her over. "VBF said that you tried to rip her clothes off" she said to them, "Is this true?" "No Miss," said M3, "We were just playing tiggy and I accidentally tugged on her shirt" was his reason. "Now see! It was just an accident," She said, "Don't worry your pretty little head about it" she said as she patted me on the head. "Now go... go play!" she insisted "Go do kids stuff or what ever it is you kids do" I started shaking and looked up at her and begged with my eyes. "Don't follow me." she said as she walked away. I felt I could no longer trust even the adults now.

As I watched her disappear into the background I slowly turned to see a smirk on M3's face. "You think you can get me in trouble do you?" He said as he made a fist. "Well you're gonna be sorry about that!" he said as he came toward me. By this stage I ran and ran until I ended up at the back school fence, I hid behind a tree hoping that I had lost them.

But sure enough moments later M3 and Scar had found me, and there was no one else around. The bell rang the moment they came into my sight. All I remember was that I had crouched into a ball and the next thing i knew, I had been stripped naked by both of them. While I watched scar run to the middle of the oval to where he dropped my clothes, M3 was standing above me staring down at me. "Why?" I sobbed to him "Why are you doing this to me?" I finally asked. He looked uncomfortable for a moment and then replied "I dunno..." he said while scratching his head... "Because you're pretty" he answered. Then he ran to catch up with Scar and I watched them run back to class.

Those 3 little words to this day make me cringe. Unlike most girls who would give anything to be pretty, I actually grew to hate it. I believe this is why I have never been comfortable with male attention and being called 'pretty' by them (no offence to all that have and have meant no harm.)

After that day, I would try everything I could to avoid going to school. I would try to fake sickys and sometimes even kick and scream. I even tried to convince my Mum that I needed glasses. A lot of girls were teased at school for wearing glasses, they were called ugly and all sorts of names, but I now wanted to be one of those girls. I wanted to be ugly. I even contemplated slashing my face with a knife just to make myself ugly, but I always chickened out. I thought that by having cuts all over my face and by wearing glasses M3 would find me ugly and wouldn't chase me any more.

One day at school I actually fainted, I think probably because the stress just got too much for me. The teacher sent me to the sick bay, this room where I would rest until they could get in touch with my Mum. This became my new 'safe place,' I never even knew this sick bay exsisted before! So after that I use to fake it alot, just to get away from M3! I would do it simply for protection. I know that both the teachers and my Mum were quick to cotton on that I was faking it, because I was doing it so damn much (sorry mum {she reads my blog}) but I would rather be frowned apon then have M3 do these things to me.

Anyway as years went on I always suffered for what M3 did to me. But as I got older I started to put it down to 'kids will be kids' and I told myself that I'm sure he realises now that what he did was nasty and that he was probably sorry. I even started to feel sorry for him, because of all the anger I had for him.

But not long after my 18th I saw him for the first time in years in town. I was sitting at the bar when he came up to me. I started shaking all over again like the little school girl I was back then. "Hey pretty lady, can I get you a drink?" he said. I was stunned. "uh.... no thanks I buy my own" I said, not knowing what the hell was going on. "My names M3" he said as he put out his hand for me to shake it. I was baffled! He had no idea who the hell I was, but I could never forget his face. "You don't know who i am do you?!" I said to him. He looked confused for a moment "Uh... you're a beautiful stranger who wants a good fuck?" he said. I knew from that moment that he had never changed.

I stood up and left my drink, and walked away "Hey! where are you going? its rude not to tell a man your name when he introduces himself to you!" he yelled to me. I stopped and glared at him, he had the same smirk on his face like he always had in primary school. "Does VBF ring a bell?" I yelled. His face dropped. I made my way out the door to where my friends were.

A while later when the clubs were shutting up at about 5am, my friends and I started walking to the taxi rank, when a car pulled up beside us. M3 stepped out and walked up to me. "FUCK OFF!" I said as soon as I saw him. He laughed, "Man you have got even more beautiful than when I last saw you" he said as he came towards me. I wanted to run away all over again, but at the same time I wanted him to think that he didn't scare me any more. "Why don't you come back to my house, let me make it up to you" he said as he grabbed my arm. I got dejavu as if it was the game of hiding seek all over again. "I'd rather die!" I said as I snatched my arm back. "Well that can be arranged" he said in a tormenting voice as he tried to drag me into his car.

I started screaming and my friends and a nearby security guard fought him off. Eventually he just got back in the car and they took off. "Next time," he smiled as they drove away. I was done feeling sorry for him from that moment on.

"What the fuck was that about?" my friends asked. "I'll explain on the way home" I said as I got into the taxi. That was the first time I ever spoke about this, and besides mentioning bits and peices about it to hubby, I never spoke about it again until now.


Saturday, March 8, 2008

It's better to die living, than to live dying...

That is the quote Craig andrew emailed to me!
This actually describes me down to a tee!!!

That's exactly how I feel, I feel like the burdens I live with have crippled me from living, which makes me a living dying person!

But it is only recently that I have decided it is time to actually live before I die!!!

Continuing from my last post, 'Monster 1' I will now post about another experience on my list of 'the battles' that I have suffered with for a very long time.

To be honest, this is not the next thing on my list, I have actually missed a few Monsters who's offences involve rape. But these experiences I will have to pass on posting about because it is extremely difficult for me to talk about. In a way I feel by explaining these times in detail, would almost be like reliving them again, but I am not strong enough for that yet.

What I can tell you though is that these people that I can not speak of are the biggest Monsters of them all. It is them who have caused the most pain and suffering for me and it is these experiences that have made it very difficult for me to have a healthy sex life with my husband.

I have only had 'willingly' sex with one male in my life and that is hubby. I have been scared by these Monsters for what they have done to me, which had made it almost impossible for me to trust and get close to males on an intimate level.

Hubby and I were together for about 2 years before we got married. We actually made love for the first time after our wedding!

But to be honest, it wasn't easy, and it still isn't easy for me to this very day. Sometimes I can really struggle during intercourse, and it can put me in a trance where I feel like I am being raped all over again! We have worked through a lot of it, and Hubby is unbelievably supportive, so I'm doing much better now. But it still happens sometimes, and it is really truly awful! I blame these Monsters for this.

But I will move right along to another Monster that I CAN post about!

This Monster I believe is the cause of my extremely low self esteem problems!


About 8 and a half years ago now, when I was about 15, I was desperate to get out of high school. I had issues with the way males would treat me, while many of my girl friends loved the attention from males, I on the other hand didn't. The attention from them made me feel so uncomfortable, I was always getting hit on by them. And as a girl if you didn't flirt back, you would either get teased for being frigid or a lesbian.

But I simply just wasn't interested! It was pretty tough for me, and it didn't help that one day I was hiding in the school toilets from this guy that was stalking me, and when I thought he was gone, I came out to find that the fucking janitor had locked the toilet block from the outside!

This was first thing in the morning so I was locked in these toilets for about 9 hours before someone heard my screams!

Anyways, it was around that time that I had decided I had enough of school, my grades were shit anyway, I couldn't concentrate on anything because I was just too damn unhappy! The only good grades I got were from my male teachers who loved to get close and discreetly feel me up! They thought I wouldn't suspect it, but I wasn't stupid!

So I decided to look for a full time job! I handed my resumes around to every shop in a local shopping complex, and by the end of the day, I got one!

It was a lovely little gift shop! Selling gorgeous fountains, photo frames, novelty gifts, everything! I just loved it! I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world, being so young and now working full time in this fun little gift shop while my friends had to go to school! A lot of my friends envied me, but it didn't take long to realise that it wasn't so great after all.

The job was fantastic, the shop was too, even the customers I loved! But it was my boss (Monster 2) that made it hell for me.

At first there were quite a few staff - Monster 2 the owner and boss, Les who was 2IC, (she's a lesbian hence the nickname) Posh who was a senior casual, (very posh music teacher) Dimple who was a junior casual, (yes she had huge dimples!) and of course ... me who was now working full time.

M2 actually had a very bad back which could have her bed ridden for days, so she employed me to take her place and help out Les because it was too hard for her now.

But even on the days her back was giving her grief, she couldn't help but come in and take out all of her suffering on the rest of us!

It was fantastic when she would stay home, the job was stress free! But when she did come in, she would storm in like a bat out of hell and start abusing us all! Even customers were afraid of her, in fact it was the customers who nicknamed her 'The dragon lady' she was THAT scary.

It didn't take long till everyone around me would drop like flies and quit and walk out because she was too nasty to handle. Posh couldn't handle being bossed around by M2 because Posh is a bossy person herself, so that didn't last long! Poor Dimple who i adored, ran a mile when she brought in a birthday cake that she made for ME and got in trouble by M2 for lighting it's candles in the shop! M2's a witch I tell you! Dimple was shocked, and was too terrified to ever return again. Before long it was just Les and I left.

Les was more terrified of M2 than I was, she had been there for 5 years and never had the guts to stand up to her!

So she was in a bit of a rut and felt that the longer she stayed, the harder it was for her to leave, but she was clearly unhappy.

At first I felt sorry for M2, and I would defend her and be like "come on you guys, don't take her personally, she has a bad back and is in constant pain" but in all honesty that was never an excuse to do the things she did to us.

It wasn't long before Les had finally had enough of it and decided it was time to leave. She was so terrified about leaving, that she made up the lie that she had to move out of town for personal reasons. She finally worked up the guts to tell M2, but as good as this fake excuse was, M2 gave her hell about it!

M2 was so furious with her, that Les became too frightened to come in for her last day, she rang me and asked me to pass on the message to M2 that she wouldn't be coming in. This was the angriest I had ever seen M2! She took it all out on me and said some pretty hurtful things that brought me to tears.

It was from that moment that things got much more worse than I could ever imagine.

Now it was only me and M2, we were under staffed but M2 just didn't seem to care! At first she decided to come in and help me herself, which meant that this miserable suffering woman would be with me 24/7!

She was angry and bitter every minute of the day, and would make my life a living hell too. I became sick to my stomach every single night dreading the next day at work that I would have to spend with her.

When ever I was actually sick, too ill to come in, she would abuse me and tell me that I am not allowed a sick day and would demand me to come in. Then when i would come in while I was sick, she would abuse me for bringing in a sickness for her and customers to catch!

When ever we had a slightly under day of intake, she would blame me. "Its because you are not wearing enough make-up,when you look ugly, you scare customers away" she would say to me. "I'm sorry" I'd say back. And when it wasn't my make up she was talking about, it was the clothes I was wearing or my weight she would pick on. "You're getting fat," she would say as she would grab hold of the side of my hip "look, you are getting disgusting rolls, you need to lose weight before you scare away more customers!" "I'm sorry" I'd say.

If you just scroll up for a minute and have a look at the picture under the title 'Monster 2' ... this picture is pretty much what M2 looks like! She has short red hair, ugly face, and over weight. She looks like an ogre frankly! But she had no problem criticising me and telling me I was ugly every day.

I was very pretty as a teen, I got a lot of attention from males (even though it was unwanted) so as you can imagine, when I started working there, we started having a lot more male customers. M2 took advantage of this, she just LOVED that I could sell anything to a male because they would buy something just for an excuse to talk to me. It was business to M2 so she took advantage of this, and basically would try and force me to dress like a tart and flirt with the customers! This was the whole thing I was trying to get away from!

It started to feel like I was working in a brothel and M2 was my pimp! But with me being so young, and this being my first serious job, I really didn't know any better. I figured that this was how all the work industries are? Bosses are suppose to be bossy? and I have no right as an employer to defend myself or say anything about it? Besides this I was terrified of her, she had me wrapped around her little finger and had me out of my comfort zone every second of the day.

But verbal abuse and manipulation wasn't the only things she did to me. We had to wear these awful looking aprons with big ugly pockets over our clothes as our uniforms. M2 would have this large metal ruler in her pocket, and any time I would do something wrong, she would pull it out a smack me over the head with it.

But it wasn't even work related mistakes I would be punished for, I would rarely make a mistake with my work because I was terrified of getting the 'ruler'! I can remember feeling a crumb or something on my bottom lip (I had just finished my lunch) so I moved my finger to my lip to wipe it off. But before I could, M2 pulled out the ruler and smacked me one! "Don't chew your fucking nails!" she'd say. I wasn't, but I didn't say that, instead I'd just say "I'm sorry" and continue to work.

Every single day was like this, it was a goddamn misery!!! But I didn't say anything to anyone about it, I just figured that I was being a big baby by getting upset over something that is completely normal right? I didn't know any better.

During all this, I had done a televised advertisement for the shop. Once a year a camera crew would go to each shop and film a little clip of a worker dancing, holding a product from their shop. It was advertising for the shopping complex.

I had to do this stupid dance to a jingle while holding a teddy bear! Not long after it was aired, I had myself a weirdo stalker!

This guy would ring me over 40 times in one day at work, just saying freaky things about how sexy I was on the add. He would threaten me and tell me that he will figure out where I live and come and kidnap me in my sleep! I begged M2 for her protection but instead I got the 'ruler' for being responsible for too many phone calls.

This guy even scared me in his car one day while I was walking home from work! He spun around me doing donuts, and then started to follow me home. I just hid in a corner store until Ex (my boyfriend at the time) came to pick me up. I decided then that I would never do an ad again, and would avoid as much attention as I possibly could.

This shop is a franchise, and M2 owns this one, but there are many more around Australia. Every now and then the Manager from head office (who I'll call 'Strange' because he is!) would come to visit and help us with big sales through the busy times. I would get excited about it, because when he was around M2 pretended to be nice! Though she would still verbally abuse me in front of him. I would pray every time that he was there that he would see the way she would treat me and would put an end to it.

After a hectic day with Strange helping out, he pulled me aside for a chat. I thought 'THANK YOU GOD, he has finally acknowledged what a bitch M2 is and is going to offer me some kind of support!'

But no...

This is what Strange said to me, "VBF I noticed that you seem to be a bit unhappy, it is obvious to the customers," my heart sank as he continued, "It is important that you smile more, I need you to really put 100% into your work here because poor M2 is suffering with extreme back pain." I wanted to cry! "I'm counting on you to pick up your act a bit and do everything that M2 tells you to do, at this stage what you are doing is not good enough."

So it appeared that I was all alone, and it seemed that it is true that M2 had every right to treat me the way she did. "I'm sorry" I'd say to Strange.

What Strange didn't know was that M2 had actually been ripping off the company, she had been stealing profits and stock and wasn't being honest about stock take. I'd be damned if I were to dob her in though, so of course, I just kept my mouth shut!

So I think eventually it came to a point where I was comfortably numb with the whole thing. There were even times that I got the 'ruler' but it didn't affect me at all. In fact, I was able to keep smiling!

But then the most wonderful thing happened! M2's back became so bad that she just could not come in any more!

I never thought I would be so happy about someone being bed ridden! But I was, I was so excited that I would now become in charge and that we would get a new employer to help me out.

But it didn't turn out like that at all! M2 was too cheap to employ anyone else, the pressure was now ALL on me to deal with. All the customers and the stock take, the ordering, the banking, just everything!

While it was fantastic to not have M2 breathing down my neck and bashing me every chance she could get, it all became too stressful.

Now she was constantly ringing me, threatening me to make sure everything was done before I was allowed to go home.

I would stay back 3 -4 hours later almost every night, trying to get 4 peoples worth of work finished! She would come in once a week and give me a huge bashing because I couldn't keep up with it all. But I was never paid a cent for over time.

I had customers abuse me and get frustrated and storm out because I couldn't serve them quick enough, as the queue was huge. Some customers even threatened to make a complaint about me because they would have to wait so long. I would burst into tears and beg them not to.

But at this stage it was the mystery shoppers I really dreaded the most. Every month M2 would have a report sent to her about the service I was giving. While the customer service was friendly, bubbly and helpful, it was failed because there wasn't enough staff to attend to everyone quick enough! I would get in deep shit for this.

But the worst thing about running this shop by myself was that I wasn't allowed to have my breaks any more. I was allowed to sneak a bite of something to eat every moment and then, as long as the customers didn't see it. That was a small price to pay quite frankly, I preferred to do this rather than have to work with M2 all day! (Even though I didn't get paid for no breaks!) But it was not being allowed to go to the toilet that bothered me!

To this very day I suffer from severe bowl problems and bladder infections! Because I had to hold it in every day for about a year! Sometimes it would get to the point where I would wet myself, and I would be in horrible discomfort and smell for the rest of the day.

It even got to the point where sometimes I had no choice but to duck in the back room and use a plastic bag as my toilet! It was humiliating and uncomfortable, and it really messed with my head.

I started doing my best to avoid it, by starving myself and not having a drop of liquid all day, just to avoid needing to go to the toilet. This really fucked up my health too over a year of it!

Eventually it was coming to a point where I was SO close to having a breakdown. It was one day that M2 came in like a bat out of hell as usual and walked straight past me to sit out the back. "Hi M2, I wasn't expecting you today, shouldn't you be resting?" I said politely. "I should be yes! I'm not staying long, I just popped because I heard the camera crew are in to film the yearly add, so I'm here to watch the shop while you deal with that." She said.

"Oh M2, you know that I'm not comfortable with that, after that creepy guy started to stalk me because of it, do you really need me to?" I pleaded. (The adds are optional by the way) "EXCUSE ME?" she snapped! "Of course you fucking have to! I am your boss, how dare you talk to me like that!" I started bawling my eyes out, I started shaking like I was about to break! "Oh get the fuck over it" she continued "Wipe those tears off your face and grow up! Look! They are here... get to filming!" I was in no state to go through with it. "Please M2 could you please just do it for me just this one time, I can't handle it." I begged. "Oh you little bitch! How dare you! You know I don't like being on camera!" She screamed! I just broke down to the floor shaking and crying! "I'm sorry" I said, for what would be the last time ever. "FINE!" she said as she angrily stormed up to the camera men and started dancing sarcastically, while glaring at me as if to frighten me.

I decided there and then that I wasn't putting up with it any more, I quietly grabbed my things and started heading for the door.

"EXCUSE ME! Where the FUCK do you think you're going? She said, I'm not DONE WITH YOU!"

That was it! I cracked...

"No M2, I'm done with YOU!" I said. She looked shocked. "FOR TWO YEARS I have let you push me around and bully me, I've let you call me names, I've let you HIT ME, I've let you make me do so many things that I was NEVER comfortable with!" I screamed! "You have done NOTHING but taken advantage of me, and EVERYONE else that has worked here, you have USED me and ABUSED me, UNDERPAID me and have DAMAGED MY SELF ESTEEM!!!!!!!"

She got so angry and said "DON'T YOU FUCKING TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!" I interupted her and said "NO! Don't YOU fucking talk to ME like that!" I continued " You are an EVIL Bitch and I am NOT putting up with your shit any more!!! I FUCKING QUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

She was speechless!

It was then that I walked out.

That was the last time I ever saw or spoke to M2, as much as it freed me to have the last word and stick up for myself finally, I still suffer with it every day.

I hold her responsible for my low self esteem which I still have to this very day. This experience is a huge reason for why I let people intimidate me, and I apologise to offenders out of fear of making them angrier.

Since then I could never return to that shopping complex out of fear of running into to her, my bowls and bladder are perminately damaged from being unable to have toilet breaks. It was extremely hard for me to get another job after that, because while it helped having the 2 years experience in retail, all who concidered to hire me, wanted a reference from M2.

I didn't put her as a reference because I knew that would be silly. But some employers went ahead and called her anyway for a reference, and as you can probably guess, I missed out on a lot of job oppurtunitys because of the lies that came out of this witches mouth!

I'm just a fucking mess to be honest, and even though it was 8 and a half years ago... she still rules my life today.

I need this to stop too, so I plan to contact her next.