Tuesday, April 1, 2008

I need a makeover ffs!!!

Blergh! I have been feeling like utter poo!!!

I am in DESPERATE need of a makeover! I'm having a fat ugly month, and I need to start doing something about it!

It's bloody hard work looking good! Sure... you can dye your hair and get it cut and styled and pluck your eyebrows, and shave or wax your legs and underarms (and other places if so be it) and get a tan and slave yourself exercising and eating nothing but carrot sticks for a month to get thin and avoid smoking and eating junk to keep your skin clear of zits and wrinkles and whiten your teeth and cut and paint your nails then chuck on some make up and dress up just to look good just for ONE FRIKKING NIGHT!!! *Deep breath* Maybe even get some plastic surgery for some bigger boobs or a tummy tuck or a face lift if it's not so hot, if you've got the money to spend and the time to heal!!!

But it doesn't take long for your hair to get messy and the ugly regrowth and split ends to come back and your eyebrows, legs, armpits and other places to get bushy again (even thicker this time) causing you to look like chew bacca ffs, and your tan fades and you become pastie white again making the cellulite and the ugly veins that you were trying to hide in the first place become visible again, and the wrinkles and zits to come back even worse this time because you give into your junk food and you need a DAMN cigarette, not to mention you're GETTING OLDER and your teeth get stained from the smoking and the coffee and red wine that you just can not do without and your nails get jagged and become Scotti with patchy nail polish and you kid yourself thinking that all you need is a bit of make up and nice clothes to cover the lot which actually has you looking like a transvestite ffs!!! *sigh* And Eventually your boob job sags and you need a refill and your tummy tuck is undone because you ate too much junk in the holiday season and your face lift is losing elasticity because you haven't taken better care of yourself!!!
Only to do the whole bloody lot all over again!!! Club


It's tough I tell you! The things we need to do to keep looking good!


Wouldn't it be nice if we only had to do it once???

Well I don't know about you but I got sick of the high maintenance, so I slacked off alot! Now I'm looking like a bit of a cave woman ffs! What's worse is that I finally decided to go back blond again! Now I am aware that it's a long process to get back to blond from dark hair, so I have planned it at a time where I can be recluse for a while and don't have any public occasions that I have to attend to! (I don't mind going to a mates house - my friends wont make too much fun of me :-P)

So I did my first dye last night and I now have red hair with yellow patches ffs!!! Oh yes, Hubby says my hair matches Marbles' fur...

And while I was waiting to wash the dye out I couldn't help but play with the BLUBBER on my now Chubby belly!!! I have GOT to get into some serious sit ups! *Sigh*

So besides my hideous hair, bushy eyebrows, hairy legs, crap complexion, crappy nails and Blubber body.... I'm Dead Sexy!!!...

Eh!... I'll start mozzas!

Oh hey... By the way... one of my dear friends has just joined blogland!!! She is another crazy trouble making cheeky Aussie!!! if you like me, then you'll love her! :-) Please pop over and say G'day and make her feel welcome!!! :-)


23 GiGGLeS:

trublmaka said...

Oh FFS woman!! Why'd ya go n do all of that for?
We're having our housewarming next weekend!!
We won't mind you looking like chewbacca with a bad dye job and severe hang nails.. And those 'weeds' hangin down past your kneecaps can be quite a conversation piece you realise? Especially if you plait them!!
So its all good, just have a quick shower, come ova, go n getchoo! And we'll (ok have to get more drinks since the DD35 polished off the last glass of pop!) but we'll get it all sorted..
I'm sure the DDboys will be more than obliged to hit your overgrown garden-path with the weed wacker!! Not to mention running the lawn mower over them dead hairy legs you couldn't shave in the shower cos it would block the drains all the way to the ocean...
We're women... we sympathise with each other.. We do understand & its all good hunny.. besides.. he put the ring on your finger & put the cake in your mouth which is why it all went to hell in a hand basket anyways! You're married! The worst of the dress-ups is over, now you can save it all for the occasional costume parties... hmm, i'm sure there'll be a call for a gorilla costume at some point ;P

And when all else fails, you know what to do...
"B'cos I'm cute"

Luvya chicky

Utter Basketcase said...

Trub - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH You nutter! That's a bloody post in itself! :-P Yeh Yeh, you know I'm comfortable being feral at your place! I'd look so out of place if I turned up dolled up!!! :-P LOL!!!!!

You crack me up! xx

Vi said...

Geez hon, like you really look that bad! But I do know exactly what you mean. I wanna see the photo of the hair! Come on girl, I need a good laugh!

Utter Basketcase said...

Aunty Vi - Trust me that ugly pic is havin a better hair day than me at the moment! LOL I actually tried to take a photo but my camera went dead ffs! If I get some more bateries I'll be happy to give ya a laugh! :-)xx

Anonymous said...

LOL! The bald guy thinks that all your whining about hair problems is mundane, at best C;P

But, bald guys can be surly like that C:)

nitebyrd said...

Hun, you're lovely. Patchy hair and all.

Go take a walk, that might help.

Joe said...

Too funny. I'll give you $5 if you post time lapse video of your

But I'm sure you look lovely.

I'm going to go and quietly bask in memories of the days when I had hair...

Utter Basketcase said...

C:) - LOL At this rate I'm sure I'll be bald with ya soon! After all the dyeing I'll do to get back to blonde, my hair will probably fall out ffs! :-) xx

Nite - Thank you... but a walk? Seriously? Heck someone will mistake me for a tiger and hunt me down and shoot me ffs! :-P xx

Joe - LOL!!! $5? No deal! I almost dropped dead because there wern't enough deep breaths in those very long sentences! :-P Hey! Bald can look good on a guy, but not so much a girl! :-) xx

Anonymous said...

Oh bad hair dye jobs are terrible. I haven't had one yet but I've seen some.

Ron said...

Hi Vi!

Just wanted to stop by and visit your blog!

And I think it's BLOODY wonderful!!

GREAT post!

Hey...I really love the Mona Lisa photo, wherever did you find that??? And the last freaking HYSTERICAL!!!

I TOTALLY understand what your saying here. For a guy...I'm VERY high maintenance..sad, but TRUE!

Thanks again for your recent visit to my blog. It was very nice meeting you! I'll be back!

Utter Basketcase said...

Jenn - *Blushes* On second thoughts then I WILL NOT post a photo of it! *GiGGLeS* xx

RON - SO glad you popped in :-)!! Hey, call me VBF, so I don't think you're talking to my Aunty Vi *GiGGLeS* Great photos aint they! I nicked them off google images, feel free to steal them if you like :-)! And it's good to hear that a bloke puts great effort into his appearance too! :-) xx

Peach said...

lol that mona lisa pic is hilarious - all I need to do to feel better is come here and giggle!

I know what you mean re the bloody time it takes to look normal, let alone good - but you're GORGEOUS so shut up and get your tweezers out!


Utter Basketcase said...

Peach - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA glad I can make you GiGGLe!!! LOL Hey! I'm not beautiful all the time ffs! And I can't find my damn tweezers!! :-) xx

Unknown said...

LOLOL. Great pic.

You sound like my daughter #2. It's all just going to have to be done again so why do it at all? It's not worth the hassle.

So you're a crazy cat lady, too? Nice to meet cha. Me, too. You have a fun blog. I like it.

Utter Basketcase said...

Ash - Welcome and Thank you :-) *GiGGLes* Yeh it sux to look like crap, but it sux to bother with trying to look good! Oh! It's always nice to find another crazy cat lady! We should start a club! :-P xx

trublmaka said...

:( I *was* a CCL once... but my kitties eventually had to go :*(

Hey VBF, hun, come on over to mine, I got tweezers, razors, and the shops just a step away if we need anything else okies?! lol
We'll make a huge girly-day of it (there's even a bottle-o close to the shop if we run short of Pop!!! =D

Misty DawnS said...

You're gorgeous my friend, and I highly doubt you could look like Chewbacca!

Since moving here, I have completely slacked off. Not to mention that I was already underweight, and then, after moving, lost 14 pounds. No, this is not a good thing. I look like a scrawny, sickly, boobless kid. The other day, Hubs informed me that I'm losing my butt too with all the weight I've lost. Great, the only thing I had left that was halfway sexy!

Adrianne said...

You are so hot stop it!!! I liked the post.

Utter Basketcase said...

Trub - *GiGGLeS* I'd bloody love to!! But I'm dying for a cigarette and if we go to the shop I'ma buy every carton on the shelf ffs!!! xx

Misty - wow I have never heard of such a thing! Not liking being too thin! No I'm not gonna say there is anything wrong with that, because we all suffer with different things! But Damn, I'd love to try that out for a day, and I'd order a bucket of KFC chicken and pig out on it!!!! YUM :-P *GiGGLeS* xx

SSC - LOL! Did you see the picture of me with the beard and pony tails?... not pretty!!! :-P *GiGGLeS* xx

trublmaka said...

Its ok hotstuff..
U know I'll look afta ya!
You can't do that yukky stuff if you gonna be in the labour-ward with me! And I don't wanna take it up so we'll be good - we'll just get drunk lots more! lmao!!

Utter Basketcase said...

Trub - LOL well it sure helps having a non smoking mate! :-) I'm have no hope with out ya! :-) xx

Indi said...

'OMG'... think you need more than a makeover luvvy... that's scary!!

Utter Basketcase said...

Indi - LMFAO! I know right!!? xx